I Took Him Back To Walmart
My husband and I fought constantly,
Why I married him, I’ll never know.
For all those miserable years I said
My hubby has got to go!

Tried poisoning cakes, stripping brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire is a crime.

But I failed at each plot ‘til I suddenly thought
Of a way that would set me free!
I got rid of him for good and, know what?
They couldn’t do a thing to me!

I took him back to Walmart!
They’ll take anything back you know!
They said they couldn’t recall selling him.
But they must have if I said so.

They just credited him to my Visa and said,
"Ya’ll come back now, ‘ya hear?"
They were so nice, polite, pleasant and insistent,
I took back his mother the next year!

They’ll take anything back at Walmart,
Though it’s broken or rotten or sweet.
And know what else? This time of year
You don’t even need a receipt!

-author unknown-

Melweena Rushed to the Doctor
"Doctor, doctor, my memory is failing me."
Doctor: When did you first notice this?
"When did I first notice what?"

"Doctor, doctor, my hair is falling out. Can you give me something to keep it in?"
Doctor: A paper bag would be fine.

Yea Right!
Melweena accompanied her husband, Melwick to the doctor’s office. After his check up, the doctor called Melweena into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, Melwick will surely die. Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare him his favorite meal, making it especially nice. Don’t burden him with chores, as he probobly had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make your husband happy in every possible way and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next ten months to a year, I think Melwick will regain his health completely."
On the way home, Melwick asked his wife: "What did the doctor say?"
"You’re going to die," Melweena replied.

The Water Closet
It seems that a little old English lady was looking for some rooms in Switzerland. She asked the local village school master to help her. A place that suited her was finally found and the lady returned to London for her luggage. She remembered then that she had not noticed a bathroom, or as she called it, a "water closet". So, she wrote to the school master. He was puzzled by the initials "W.C.", never dreaming, of course, that she was asking about a bathroom. He finally asked the help of the parish priest who decided that W.C. stood for Wesleyan Church. This was his reply:

Dear Madam,
The W.C. is situated nine miles from the house in the center of a beautiful grove of trees. It is capable of holding 350 people at a time and is open on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday each week. A large number of folks attend during the summer months, so it is suggested you go early, although there is plenty of standing room. Some folk like to take their lunch and make a day of it, especially on Thursday when there is organ accompaniment. The accoustics are very good and everyone can hear the slightest sound.

It may be of interest to you to know that my daughter was married in our W.C. and it was there she met her husband.

We hope you will be there in time for our bazaar to be held very soon. The proceeds will go towards the purchase of plush seats which the folks agree are a long-felt need, as the present seats all have holes in them.

My wife is rather delicate, therefore she cannot attend regularly. It has been six months since the last time she went. Naturally, it pains her very much to not to be able to go more often.

I shall close now with the desire to accommodate you in every way possible and I will be happy to save you a seat down front or near the door, which ever you prefer.

More jokes:
What did the man in the camera store say to Snow White?
Some day your prints will come.

What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
Right after you be eight, you benign.

What is a Twip?
What a wabbit takes when he wides a twain.

Send us your Melweena jokes at melweena@barbarabjones.com