Once upon a time there was a duck.  He was the kindest duck on the pond but one day he decided that being a duck was not good enough.  He thought his life was a little dull and that there would be more excitement in his life if he were to act more like some of the other animals he saw around him.  Hard as he tried, he just couldn’t get himself to bark like the dog who seemed to be having so much fun.  The more he tried, the more frustrated he became with himself and the more ornery and mean he became to those who once thought he was so kind.  After living two separate lives, the life of the duck that he was, and trying to live the life of a dog that he thought he wanted to be, he eventually was so dissatisfied with his once satisfying and fulfilling life, that he saw negativity in everything.  Nothing and no one brought him happiness anymore.  All of his duck friends were no longer enjoyable to him.  The beautiful pond that he often swam in was suddenly less enjoyable and no longer a place of beauty for him.  Everything around him was dreary and depressing and he wondered what was wrong with his life.  When had everyone turned on him and why were they trying to make his life so miserable?

The moral of the story is two fold, be true to who you are … and take responsibility for your own actions.

First, if you don’t like the person that you are, improve on those things that you don’t care for but don’t try and be someone else.   Each of us have unique characteristics that, when woven together, whether within a family unit, a work place or within a group of friends, can make a beautiful tapestry of love, friendship and cohesiveness.

Second, just like the duck, there are those who have never learned to take responsibility for their own actions and place blame on everyone and everything around them for their own disappointments, discouragement, sadness and negative experiences.  Rather than looking for someplace to put blame, move forward and create solutions in a positive atmosphere.

In other words, if you look like a duck and talk like a duck, then you probably are a duck.  So embrace it!

We all have things that happen to us in our lives that bring us great sorrow, yet we spend our lives searching for the things that will make us happy.  Over time I’ve learned that trials and sorrows can help us in our quest for happiness.

In Utah, by February or March, winter tends to be a little tiresome.  The grey skies, the dirty snow and the consistent freezing temperatures make it difficult to enjoy the outdoors, unless, of course, you’re an avid skier.  It is after several months of this type of weather that makes it difficult to see the sunshine, and sometimes, even believe that the sun will shine again.

I have a friend who tells a story of when she was a young teenager.  It was around this time of year when she was feeling discouraged and alone.  Her mother was ill and in the hospital yet again, middle school was difficult, and being the only girl in her small family, a lot of the household responsibilities fell upon her.  One day, while sitting in her English class, she received a note telling her to go to the office, that her father was checking her out for the rest of the day. Immediately panic set in as she feared the worst for her mother.  Fortunately, this was not the case.  Her very intuitive father sensed that she needed a pick-me-up.  He took her for a ride up Big Cottonwood Canyon, above the famous Utah Inversion.  While her father was driving a few miles up the canyon, she was just staring out the window at the dirty grey snow that covered the sides of the worn out canyon road, wondering what all of this was about.  As they gradually ascended the canyon, the sky became lighter and changed from a dull grey, to a light grey, then to a brilliant blue with the bright sun changing even the appearance of the dingy snow.  Suddenly, everything had a crystal look to it.  The snow that still covered the sides of the road and the trees now had the appearance of being flecked with diamonds and jewels of all colors.  Her dad turned to her and said, “Even when things seem as if they will never improve, you always know that somewhere there is sunshine.  You just need to go look for it.”  The rest of the winter didn’t seem so bad after that simple drive.

Our trials and sorrows are just like this experience of living in a winter in Utah.  In the middle of a difficult experience, it’s hard to believe that the trial will pass and that there will eventually be happiness again.  It’s hard to contemplate, while weighed down with extreme stress, sadness, illness, depression or frustration, that we have the capability to be happy and smile again.  It is during these times that we need have the strength to go look for the sunshine ourselves … or help someone else know where to find it.  It is out there.  I promise

Brad Wilcox tells about the following conversation he had with this daughter Wendee when she was in second grade.  He asked her what her favorite part of school was.

She said, “Recess.”

Brad asked, “What do you do at recess?”

“Chase the boys.”

“What do you do when you catch the boys?”

“We take them to jail.”

“What do you do with them when they are in jail?”

“We hug ‘em.”

Brad said, “Wendee, you’d better stop that.  The boys don’t like it.”

She said, “Daddy, they say they don’t like it, but they do.”

Even though teens may resist at first, they really do like it when parents and leaders spend time with them.  A friend of mine recently had two extra teenage boys, both of them 17, move into her home bringing her total of high school juniors to three (two boys and her own daughter).  One is an exchange student from a foreign country and the other is her nephew that needed to be pulled out of his own environment.

One of his first nights in his new home, her nephew had an issue arise that resulted in an anger management problem.  The only thing that calmed his internal storm was communication and validation of his feelings, a 20 minute hand massage and eventually a hug.  Even though his emotions were out of control, he needed time to talk the problem out and a hug to show him he is loved, in spite of his feelings telling him otherwise.

Often times we feel that teenagers would rather be left alone and don’t need physical affection from their parents.  This is exactly the opposite of what they want and need.  Please don’t hesitate to just hug ‘em, even if they feel like porcupines at times.

In life there are no easy ways to achieve success, no magic formulas you can follow or secret charms you can buy that will help you earn your goals.  There is only one way.   You must pay the price that can lead you to goals you would like to accomplish.

Nothing is easy.  However, the hard work that you go through to reach the goal will not only give you the end result you have worked for, but also the satisfaction of knowing that YOU did the work.  However, in spite of how hard you work for that goal, always remember to include Heavenly Father in your pursuit.  He will always help you, inspire you and give you what you need when you need it.  Remember, NEVER STOP TRYING!

Just laugh!

Humor is a skill.  For some people, it doesn’t come naturally at first.  But you can learn.  You can learn how to find positive and life-affirming humor in many situations.

Author, humorist and member of the AMA, Loretta LaRoche, writes that nearly 75 percent of the things we say each day are negative.  From morning to night, we complain and talk about negative things:  ”It’s raining outside.”;  ”My back is just killing me”;  ”I’m so bloated.”;  ”I have a horrible headache.”;  ”Did you know that I just had my hip replaced?”;  ”I’m so tired.  I just never get enough sleep.”  Watch yourself!

And while you’re thinking about getting a sense of humor, think about your rest face.  Right now, while you are just sitting, doing nothing, what does your rest face look like.  Do you have a perpetual frown?  This week, try to put a slight smile on your rest face.  You will be surprised at the comments that you receive.  People will actually comment that you always look happy!

In the meantime, just laugh!

Making changes, even good changes, is hard.

In a little village in Africa, people were dying at early ages.  Scientists from around the world were called in.  After extensive research, they located the cause of the problem.  It seemed that when the villagers had made the adobe bricks that they used to build their homes, a certain type of insect had become imprisoned in the bricks.  Long-term exposure to the toxins from this insect were causing the early deaths of the villagers.  The scientists presented their findings, and the villagers were given three choices.  They could tear down their huts and rebuild, using bricks treated with insecticides.  They could abandon their village and build elsewhere.  Or they could do nothing.

Guess what they voted to do?

Even though the last choice meant early death, it was too difficult for the people to commit to making the necessary changes.  They voted to do nothing.

We are sometimes like those African villagers.  We resist change, regardless of how great the outcome may makes our lives.

This year, do something big that requires you to change the way you live your life, get out of your comfort zone.  What will be the big thing you choose to do?  Run a race? Mend a relationship?  Go back to school?  We would love to know what your big event is going to be this year.

It is truly amazing when heaven touches us in ways that can only be called miracles.  Many times we don’t recognize the miracles in our lives as they occur.  We see them later, when we look back with perfect hindsight and notice what has happened.  But occasionally we do it right — we are fully aware, and we are entirely grateful.

Years ago I took on the challenge to start a miracle journal.  I wrote about even the tiniest tender mercies sent from Heavenly Father.  I was in awe of the daily acts of kindness that Heavenly Father sent my way and recognized them for exactly what they were – tender mercies showing me how much he is aware of me and loves me.  When you are looking for tender mercies in your daily routine, you will be more acutely aware of how many you actually receive each day.  Journaling about these events is a great way to recognize, remember and then show gratitude for them.

Enjoy the journey of realizing the many miracles – or tender mercies – you are given each day.

Life-changing inspiration comes at the oddest moments and in the most unusual ways.  I have been profoundly moved by the idea that in our life’s journey there is a constantly unfolding plan for good.  Just by living one day at a time with excitement and enthusiasm, always looking for the good, and trusting in the Lord, we will find joy.  And that joy brings us peace and the knowledge that there is order in the plan of our lives, even through difficulties and tragedies.

Many of us are unsatisfied in our current situation, whether it’s with our careers, family relationships, or personal lifestyle.  Today is the day to make a change for good.  Find the courage it takes to do something different than your usual routine.  It is doing the same thing every day that creates the same results.  If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.  If you really do want to make a change in your life, for the better, do something different today.  Just for today.  Then carry that momentum with you for the next seven days.  And in the meantime, find the joy in your new journey.

How many of us compare ourselves to others?  Sure, it’s easy to spend all your time looking at everyone else and thinking how much better they seem to be. We compare our “Worn-out Wednesday” selves with everyone else’s “Sunday Best” and always come up short.

Sharlene Wells Hawkes shared this experience when she was in the Miss America Pageant “When I was in the Miss America pageant, we were often lined up in alphabetical order, which put me next to Miss Texas, who was gorgeous.  I remember once a crowd of photographers coming our way.  Then one of them said to me, “Excuse me, Miss Utah, but could you please move over to one side?  We need to take a picture of Miss Texas.”  I felt about two inches tall.  But I couldn’t let that bother me or make me feel insecure.  I had to be happy and confident with who I was.

This week, resist the temptation and, consequently, the agony of comparing yourself to ANYONE.  No one can be as good at being you as … YOU!  So, go be your very best self!

A teenager told me once, “I wish my dad would hug me more and show affection to me when something’s wrong or if I’m having a bad day.  He used to do so when I was growing up, and it was a good feeling.  It’s not that I doubt my father’s love, it’s just that sometimes I need him to tell me he cares for me no matter what I’m doing.  I don’t feel a lot of love inside of me right now.”

This week, analyze your relationship with your children, particularly your teenagers.  Are you loving them unconditionally or expecting them to behave a certain way before they will receive your love?  Our caring and love must be constant and unconditional – given first, and given freely through good and bad, transgression or testimony, brilliant success or utter failure.  Regardless of their choices, teenagers need our nonjudgmental love.